I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
