I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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