I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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