oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
