and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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