So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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