I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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