How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
