mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
