Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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