Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
