I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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