Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
