I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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