if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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