Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
