Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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