I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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