I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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