she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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