She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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