Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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