Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
