We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
