and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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