Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
