can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
