please come you make the beer taste better
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
