I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
