how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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