Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
