im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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