RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
