why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
