garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
