Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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