lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
