Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
