Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I could make wine with my vomit
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
