you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
