did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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