Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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