Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
