I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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