You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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