Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
