Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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