Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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