Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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