I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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