Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
