i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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