I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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