butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
