I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm both gender and math confused
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
