One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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