I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
