My room smells like vodka and shame
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
