Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
