he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
