you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His nipple licking is glorious
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