when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
