Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
