He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
